i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
