I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
