I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
3pm strippers are depressing
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
