There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
