I got chris browned last night
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
