why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
