Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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