How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
