TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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