well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
