I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
