And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
