I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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