David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Semen is not good for contacts.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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