I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
