Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
