when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You smell like a Billy Joel song
that's an acceptable place to lick
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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