I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
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