I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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