Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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