He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
