Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
