I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
