I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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