All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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