Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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