I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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