my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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