I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
