I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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