I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Your mouth is God's brothel.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
