ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
