I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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