I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
