I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
