When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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