so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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