trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
