She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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