i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
