Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
