i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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