first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
