corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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