worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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