you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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