I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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