I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
