Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
