Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
