Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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