Umm I'm too high to move.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Alive.
So much puke
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
