My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
