Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
