My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
