If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Even my vagina gasped.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
