Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
