I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
