if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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