Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
