I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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