Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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