my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
