We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
