What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
